Thoughts While Sitting and Sweating

I am just sitting. As I sit the sweat (liquid sunshine is what I told Matt it was when he was a child) is pouring from my hair, running down my back and making my bottom stick to the chair. And I am not doing anything. and it is nine in the morning.

I knew the humidity at home was nothing to compare to this. But I am having difficulty with it. It is all I can do to keep from hiding out in the air conditioned bedroom. And I refuse to do that! I did not come here to hide in a bedroom! So what should I do? If  I have a focus, something I must do, I can cope. So, the real reason  for my pensive state (there is that word again) is not the humidity but lack of focus?

How can I have lack of focus? Aren't I a missionary? Aren't I here to do the work of the Lord? The answer to all three questions is yes. I am a missionary, I am here to do do the work of the Lord and yes I can have a lack of focus. I have worked a secular job since I was seventeen years old. I am now fifty two. Do the math. Over thirty years in the work force. It did not have much impact last year. There was SAFARI, the three months spent here, which were pretty busy, then returning home to itinerate. So why is it different now?

Last spring there were teams coming and going, the children were in school, there seemed to always be someone here, something that needed to be done. Since August 5th there has been no team and will not be one for the remainder of the year. The children do not return to school until October. There are occasional needs that present themselves but not enough to occupy my day. Roger can always find projects to keep himself busy, but I need a purpose. Housework, cooking, cleaning have never done it for me. I do them because they need to be done but it does not fill the need for purpose in my life. 

I am mature enough in the Lord to know serving Him is not always about doing, but is primarily about being, being ready to obey, being in His presence, but He also created us to do good works. I am praying for Him to direct my steps each day and to let me touch the person He wants touched.

 I am also studying creole, even though the young lady who is teaching us is in medical school and we have only been able to have two lessons so far. I am also using an app on the iPod that is pretty accurate. I try to spend an hour a day on it. I am also studying to become an ordained minister with the IPHC. I read . I draw. I make ribbon crosses. I write.  But there seems to be no order to my day.

As I sit  here writing this another thought comes to my mind; discipline. I have always needed a  job in order to stay disciplined. I have never been very disciplined or organized outside of my secular job. Roger used to laugh when my co-workers made comments about my ability to organize. He knew how I was at home and he did not believe them!

So my prayer today is Lord show me how to be Your child. Show me how to  become disciplined without the structure of a job to go to. Show me Your purpose for me in Haiti.